Being aware of the emotions we are facing, especially the difficult ones, and knowing how to address them in a healthy way is a lesson in progress. However, when we are brought up in dysfunctional homes where we are taught to suppress the way we feel and live within a space of conflict and chaos, we start to develop trauma that transcends in the later years, in adult relations as well. “Many people with childhood trauma don’t even realise that it exists or how it’s affecting their lives. Our society, and cultures glorifies emotion suppression for emotional intelligence. Somehow it became ‘cool’ to not feel anything, and to just not care. You’re weak for crying at films, or lame if you get excited about something small. We promote the concept of being above emotions, or rendering them as useless, but emotions exist for a reason. When we repress the emotions, we also lose out on the second part of the equation, the ability to deal with them accurately. If we don’t work through our sadness, it doesn’t go away, it stews within us.,” wrote Therapist Emmylou Antonieth Seaman.
The expert further noted down a few signs that show that we are supressing and bottling our emotions:
Hardly yell or cry: We do not know the healthy way of projecting our emotions and hence we bottle the difficult emotions and keep them away. Hence, when we are angry or sad, we hardly yell or cry. But we often explode and tell things that we regret later.
Avoiding confrontation: We fear getting to the root of the problem. Hence, when we face difficult emotions, we try to escape the situation rather than addressing the root cause of the problem.
Distressed: We often face the feeling of being distressed or irritated when we are asked how we are feeling – this comes from the fear of being vulnerable to someone.
Wants: We also try to be people-pleasing and hence, suppress the needs and wants we have and agree with someone else’s decisions.
Discomfort: The feeling of being uncomfortable around emotional people comes from the lesson of knowing that emotions are unsafe – this happens because of childhood trauma.
