Wednesday, July 6, 2022
HomeWorldNetherlands v England: third ODI – live!

Netherlands v England: third ODI – live!

17th over: Netherlands 84-1 (O’Dowd 41, Cooper 29) Curran clouts O’Dowd on the pad and appeals … it looked pretty decent too, definitely hitting the stumps but perhaps pitching outside the line … and it did, just. That’s ridiculously good umpiring from Paul Reiffel and a decent over from Curran too, four dots then two singles taking us to drinks. Netherlands are pretty well-placed now, if they can up the tempo, and how costly might that missed catch turn out to be?

16th over: Netherlands 82-1 (O’Dowd 40, Cooper 28) To stem the flow of runs, England have pulled back their lengths, and Carse begins his third over with three dots. Cooper then takes a single to midwicket, a slower ball drifts down leg for a wide, then O’Dowd forces a run-down for one more.

15th over: Netherlands 79-1 (O’Dowd 39, Cooper 27) This is excellent stuff from Netherlands, and when Curran sits one up outside off, O’Dowd clatters it to the rope at midwicket. Four singles – there we go! – follow, along with a wide from a high bouncer, and I’d not be surprised to see Rashid or Moeen take the next over from this end.

“When I was about 12, growing up in Houston,” says John Foster, “we had an absolute [bleep] of a school football (soccer) coach. Apart from the usual sadism – which can quickly become unusual sadism in 95 degree temperatures – he’d wear really short shorts (it was the 90s, they did things differently then). Anyway, at that age many of us were reluctant to get our body behind any ball above waist height, so instead of chesting it down we’d side-step it and stick a futile, dangly leg out. Whenever this happened in training, he’d run up to the culprit and chant ‘SEXY LEGS! SEXY LEGS!’ while kicking his bare legs into the air, doing a dance that was sort of a cross between the Can-Can and the Arrested Development chicken dance. This would go on for up to two minutes.”

I once forgot my swimming kit, on purpose, told the teacher and he he said he’d given up on me. I returned to the changing room, relayed this along with some choice invective about the teacher, turned around and there he was. He took me outside, puffed out his chest in my face, and blew off my kippa with the ferocity of his shouting, letting me know that he’d love to headbutt me. It turned out the pool was screwed and they played football instead.

14th over: Netherlands 70-1 (O’Dowd 33, Cooper 25) That’s more like it! Cooper stretches for a wide one, driving to deep cover for one, then when Carse tries a bouncer, he goes back and properly collars it for four over midwicket! An inside-edge then gets him down the other end – more of this, please – before Cooper pulls off the hips for four more, raising the 50 partnership in the process! Ten off the over, and Netherlands needed that.

13th over: Netherlands 60-1 (O’Dowd 28, Cooper 20) I know I’ve been on about Netherlands playing big shots, but they also need to find release shots that keep the scoreboard moving when boundaries are elusive. Again, a tight over yields just two, O’Dowd gloving through gully, then Copper turning away; that’s not good enough.

12th over: Netherlands 58-1 (O’Dowd 27, Cooper 19) Brydon Carse, who could be a serious factor – in all formats – takes over from Payne. Cooper flicks his first delivery into the leg side for one, then after two dots, O’Dowd tries to force the issue with a pull. It doesn’t work out, but the aggression is welcome, and a gentler shot earns him one more to fine leg.

11th over: Netherlands 56-1 (O’Dowd 26, Cooper 18) S-Cuzz, still feeling his way back after injury, is into the attack, and O’Dowd turns his loosener off his pads for four! A single comes next, then a bouncer gets up so high Buttler can’t hold it one-handed above his head; two wides. Two singles and two dots complete the over, the rate now up from below three to above five.

10th over: Netherlands 47-1 (O’Dowd 20, Cooper 17) The batters are enjoying theirselves now, O’Dowd lofting two over mid-off then stepping onto the front foot to force four through midwicket! He didn’t middle that, but the conviction in the stroke did him well enough; a leg bye follows, then an inside-edge down the ground for two. That’s 23 off the last two overs to finish the powerplay, exactly the kind of thing necessary for a proper contest.

Sam Curran prevents a boundary. Photograph: Piroschka van de Wouw/Reuters

9th over: Netherlands 38-1 (O’Dowd 15, Cooper 14) Nice from Cooper, stepping into Willey and pressing him on the up for four down to long on. So Willey tries a knuckle-ball for which Cooper waits … then clumps four to the cover fence! That’s more like it! A single apiece follows, then Willey goes shorter – that’s because of Cooper’s driving – only to be carted around the corner for fo mo! Fourteen off the over!

“My A-level maths teacher,” says Ant Pease, “used to frequently lament that he was once forbidden to use the line on a report card: ‘With infinitely more effort, xxx could become almost mediocre.’ In an undoubtedly wonderful line, it’s the word almost that gets me every time. Top-drawer snark, that.”

8th over: Netherlands 24-1 (O’Dowd 13, Cooper 2) Poor old David Payne. Half an hour ago, he was loving life, now he’s had a dolly missed and a four against his name because, when O’Dowd pokes, Rashid misfields at third man. These are the only runs off the over.

7th over: Netherlands 20-1 (O’Dowd 9, Cooper 2) On his second life, Cooper pushes into the on side for one, then O’Dowd does likewise, and Netherlands really need to find something here.

“Your lines-imposing teacher wasn’t very inventive, I must say,” chides Richard Barker. “My teachers favoured the longer line, to increase punishment time. My favourite was ‘In future I shall not squander my estimable talents on nursery horseplay.’ (100x). Hat-tip to Mr Timothy Sagar please in case he’s a cricket fan (and still alive).

A Mr Robert Harris once imposed a list of ‘twenty-five pentasyllabic words, with definitions’ for some minor infraction. By sheer coincidence (I had resorted to scanning the dictionary) the last one I supplied was ‘interminable – tediously long’ which he graciously took as a metacommentary on the imposition.”

I feel you, but at the same time I enjoyed the to-the-pointness of what I was set – I can’t pretend that whoever set them hadn’t nailed me.

6th over: Netherlands 18-1 (O’Dowd 8, Cooper 1) O’Dowd half-bats through gully for one, then Cooper immediately looks to press on, driving fresh air for four but missing the ball entirely. Then, off the final ball of the over, he looks to pull only to top-edge … this is going to be out and a debut wicket for David Payne … no it isn’t! At midwicket, Livingstone loses the ball in the sun and waves it to the ground from a yard away! They run one.

5th over: Netherlands 16-1 (O’Dowd 7, Cooper 0) I guess that’s what can happen when you try to force the pace. Cooper shoulders arms to his first delivery.

WICKET! Singh c Malan b Willey 6 (Netherlands 16-1)

Three out of three! Willey gets Singh again, and with a bouncer for the second straight match. This time, he rushes his man into a pull, the ball goes up, comes down, and at short, wide mid off, Malan hurries in to dive on the catch.

5th over: Netherlands 16-0 (Singh 6, O’Dowd 7) Willey sends down a wide, then O’Down lashes him over cover for four! That’s a terrific shot, and a shove in the same direction gets him down the other end.

4th over: Netherlands 10-0 (Singh 6, O’Dowd 2) There we go! Singh sees width and flings hands, looking to drive over cover, instead edging over second slip for four. That’s what we need to see from Netherlands – they don’t get to play England often, and don’t want to go home wondering what might’ve happened had they been bolder. Anyhow, a single and a wide follow.

“On the subject of school punishments,” says Chris Fowler, “I had a sports teacher at secondary school who evidently enjoyed giving them. He would announce to the boys getting changed after the sports class that the last boy out of the changing rooms would be given a punishment, which guaranteed him the thrill of screwing up somebody’s free time without the need of any kind of infraction. One day another boy and I were racing to get out before the other, being the last two in the changing room, and he decided to give us both an imposition (the name used in our school, as I remember) rather than wait to see who was last. We both had to write 200 words on Speed. I wrote an essay on Speed (I was 13 or 14, so I probably didn’t even know the word could also mean a drug), and took it to the staff room to give it in. As it turned out, I could have written my 200 words on the amphetamine trade, as he simply looked to check that there were probably 200 words on the paper, and then tore it up. Ritual humiliation of pupils for his enjoyment. Smarting under the injustice of it all, half a century later, me?”

Our PE teacher used to take the hands of the slowest pupils, lead them halfway around the track – a playground in Camden Town – then laugh his arse off as everyone overtook them quicksmart.

3rd over: Netherlands 3-0 (Singh 2, O’Dowd 1) Willey beats Singh’s outside edge, then that same bat-part squirts a single to third man. I’m not sure we’ve seen a single big shot so far, which is testament to some challenging bowling, but also to the batters’ refusal to give it away.

“Is Luke Wood injured,” wonders Paul Speller, “or was his selection purely to deplete Lancashire’s pace bowling resources even further?”

2nd over: Netherlands 2-0 (Singh 1, O’Dowd 1) If I was going to criticise Netherlands, it’d be for their circumspect batting on Sunday. I totally understand why they opted for that approach, but I hope they’ll throw hands today – if not now, in the first powerplay, once they’ve settled into the match. Anyway, here comes Payne, in for his first delivery in international cricket, and he finds swing first up, beating O’Dowd with his second ball and inducing an inside-edge with his third. It’s relatively rare to see someone of his age make a debut, but I find that when it happens, we see cricketers – and, indeed, sportspeople – who properly know their game, so are able to deliver the best version of it. Maiden, and a really good one too.

1st over: Netherlands 2-0 (Singh 1, O’Dowd 1) Singh guides a single to deep point, then O’Dowd plays and misses outside off. But he doesn’t dwell, shoving to Roy at cover then, deceived by a touch of extra bounce, edging to fine leg for another single.

Righto, David Willey has the ball and off we go!

Buttler also spoke about the new practice of players receiving their caps in the huddle, but with their family present. I love it, but I’d be in bits.

Watching the toss as live, we learn that we’re playing on a fresh wicket today, which should be a bit less active. Buttler reckons if there’s owt in it, it’ll be early, while Scott Edwards hopes that spin and slower balls will be useful when England bat.

Also found was the below – so go on then, let’s have the best lines and punishments you were dealt.

Photograph: Daniel Harris’ archive

The other day my parents finally persuaded me to come round and go through my old gear, and in among all the nonsense, I found this treasure, Say what you like about my old fella – and given he was a teacher, many people did – but when it came to inculcating this thing of ours, he didn’t mess about: I was five in 1984.

texaco 1984
Photograph: Daniel Harris’ archive

That England batting line-up still looks alright doesn’t it? And that’s before you’ve brought in Bairstow, Root and Stokes. I said this on Sunday, but Rashid aside I’ve still little clue which bowlers constitute the first-choice attack – I guess Archer is a lock when fit, but otherwise.

Our teams!

Netherlands: 1 Vikramjit Singh, 2 Max O’Dowd, 3 Tom Cooper, 4 Bas de Leede, 5 Scott Edwards (capt/wk), 6 Teja Nidamanuru, 7 Logan van Beek, 8 Tim Pringle, 9 Aryan Dutt, 10 Paul van Meekeren, 11 Fred Klaassen.

England: 1 Jason Roy, 2 Phil Salt, 3 Dawid Malan, 4 Jos Buttler (capt/wk), 5 Liam Livingstone, 6 Moeen Ali, 7 Sam Curran, 8 David Willey, 9 Brydon Carse, 10 Adil Rashid, 11 David Payne.

Netherlands also make two changes: Fred Klaassen and Paul van Meekeren replace Shane Snater and Vivian Kingma.

I apologise for the slight delay in bringing you that news: I appear to have somehow gouged my earlobe while sleeping and have been wandering about this morning with the offending body-part caked in blood. I wonder what my fellow parents thought at drop-off; par for the course, most likely.

As well as Payne for Morgan, England bring in Sam Curran for Reece Topley.

England win the toss and will field

After the events of the first match, I daresay that call will be a relief for the home side.

Lovely news: David Payne has received his cap, report Cricinfo – with no batter waiting in the wings, the Gloucestershire left-armer will make his debut in place of Morgan. He’s 31, so must’ve feared his chance had gone, but his captain’s misfortune is his gain. Go well, old mate.

The question with Morgan, though, isn’t so much about today but about tomorrow. This isn’t his groin’s first remonstration and given the punishing schedule over the next few month, you wonder if it’ll need managing – which might lead to managing out. We shall see.

Er, or not. Morgan has a “tight groin”, so Jos Buttler captains


It’d be easy to look at this series, conclude that England are just too good, and move on to the next thing – which happens to be a Test match against New Zealand, starting tomorrow. But there’s more to things than that.

First of all, though the winning margins have been conclusive, despite intense provocations to the contrary, Netherlands have not been shown up so far. In both matches, they’ve batted reasonably well, and had they risked a little bit more a little bit sooner on Sunday, they might just’ve put England under a little bit of pressure.

But they plumped for the conservative so, despite a bowling flurry towards the end, the outcome was never in serious doubt, and that is the challenge for them today: they’ve proved they can play; now, can they compete?

As for England, there oughtn’t be anything to say, but sport being sport and people being people, there’s always something to say and this time it’s about Eoin Morgan. It’s true that his form is poor, and competition for places is such that he can’t simply rely on his authority to keep him in his team – and it really is his team. But it’s also true that few leaders in the history of British Isles sport have earned the leeway he has, and you can bet that his players are best-placed to perform with him guiding then. He could, though, use a score today – another failure, and the fussing rolls on.

Play: 11am local, 10am BST

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