Key events
Half-time reading
1. Barney Ronay on Manchester City, who were bloody awesome last night.
2. Help Travis, feel better about life.
The as-it-stands Premier League table
(Man Utd are 1-0 up at Spurs after about 20 minutes. You can follow that one with Barry Glendenning.)
Half time: Everton 0-1 Newcastle
Newcastle withstood the expected fast start and then took the lead through a sniffer’s goal from Callum Wilson. Everton haven’t played badly. But even with Dominic Calvert-Lewin back, goalscoring remains a huge problem.
Half time: Southampton 0-0 Bournemouth
It’s been a decent game, with good chances for both sides and a very tight disallowed goal for Bournemouth. But it’s goalless, and that won’t do for Southampton.
No goal! Everton 0-1 Newcastle
Calvert-Lewin’s left shoulder was offside. The margins are scarily thin.
Disallowed goal! Everton 0-1 Newcastle (Calvert-Lewin 45+3)
Calvert-Lewin is played through by McNeil and flips the ball nonchalantly over Nick Pope. The flag goes up as soon as the ball hits the net – but this is tight and it’s been checked by VAR. Sven Botman could be playing him on.
“Chapeau to Charlie Robinson, who clearly didn’t get the memo that says fans either end of the A52 can only wish each other ill,” says Joshua Robinson. “As Bill Bryson says, being English means having an irrational hatred of people from a town very similar to your own 20 miles away. I now officially want Derby to get back to the Championship through the play offs.”
Lovely sentiments, but come on: which team do you detest support?
45 min: Everton 0-1 Newcastle Keane gets away from his marker ahead of the near post but can’t steer a low corner on target. It was a pretty tough chance. Trippier is back on but he can’t run. I suppose he might as well wait and see what the physio’s creamy, healing hands can do at half-time.
45 min: Southampton 0-0 Bournemouth There’s an appeal for a penalty when Ainsley Maitland-Niles accidentally heads the ball against his hand in the Southampton area. No penalty because he touched it onto his own hand.
44 min: Everton 0-1 Newcastle Kieran Trippier is limping heavily. He’s a tough old twist but he’s struggling here. Meanwhile, here’s the opening goal from Callum Wilson.
41 min: Everton 0-1 Newcastle Onana is booked for something or other*. Look, I was checking on Travis’s charity appeal, okay! (Thanks so much to all of you who have donated.)
* I’ve just seen the replay, it was a tactial foul on Guimaraes.
GOAL! Tottenham 0-1 Man Utd (Sancho 7)
A great start for Man Utd in north London. I’ve no idea how the goal came about, but I know a man who does.
38 min: Everton 0-1 Newcastle These are dangerous times for Everton, with Newcastle pressing for a second.
36 min: Southampton 0-0 Bournemouth A tearful Romain Perraud limps off to be replaced by Ainsley Maitland-Niles. I’m not sure what happened because I was watching replays of Callum Wilson boggling up that chance for Newcastle – he doesn’t seem to be in serious pain, but he is obviously distresssed so maybe he has pulled something and fears his season is over.
Maitland-Niles has gone to right-back, with Kyle Walker-Peters moving to the left.
Everton 0-1 Newcastle
“Absolutely mind-gobbling how Wilson managed to ‘boggle up the rebound’,” says Tim Booth.
Heh, very good. I can promise you I’ve been guilty of worse typos, mainly invite the cut stroke in cricket.
Everton 0-1 Newcastle
“Is this a mus-win for Everton?” says Mary Waltz. “As far as the math, no. They could technically lose and still avoid relegation. And technically the Reform party could win the next UK general election but I wouldn’t place a bet on it.”
I think they can stay up if they lose tonight, but Leicester away on Monday then becomes the mother, father and extended family of all musn’t-lose games.
Match report: Barcelona 1-1 Chelsea (agg: 2-1)
Here’s Sid Lowe’s verdict from the Camp Nou, where Barcelona held off Chelsea to reach another Champions League final.
Kick off: Tottenham v Man Utd
Join ‘Big’ Barry Glendenning for live updates from the Tottenham Hotspur Stadium.
Everton 0-1 Newcastle “I haven’t been able to catch an Everton match since Calvert-Lewin got healthy,” says Justin Madson. “It’s impressive how much he brings a new dynamic to the team. When the midfield gets hold of the ball, they actually have an outlet up front as opposed to sideways or backwards, and he has done very well to get that extra touch that allows them to keep possession. Impressive forward play from him so far.”
I feel a bit dirty saying this, but you can make a very fine XI from players who might be relegated in the next month. Southampton alone have three or four who will be coveted by Champions League clubs if they go down.
GOAL! Everton 0-1 Newcastle (Wilson 28)
Trouble for Everton. They’ve started well but now they are behind. Joelinton made the goal with a terrific run and fierce shot that was pushed away to his left by Pickford. It hit Tarkowski, who could do nothing, and Callum Wilson reacted superbly to boggle up the rebound.
26 min: Southampton 0-0 Bournemouth Dominic Solanke lends the ball to Ryan Christie in the area, then takes it off him and drives just over the bar with his left foot. He’s looking really dangerous.
25 min: Everton 0-0 Newcastle Everton’s urgency is causing Newcastle a few problems. After another little scramble, Calvert-Lewin’s shot spins behind.
21 min: Everton 0-0 Newcastle A fierce, wobbling shot from McNeil is too straight and comfortably saved by Pope.
21 min: Southampton 0-0 Bournemouth “It’s a rattling good game,” says the commentator Paul Dempsey on Sky, and the weather is certainly contributing. The rain is biblical.
20 min: Everton 0-0 Newcastle While I was squinting at that Solanke offside, Calvert-Lewin almost had a chance when he chopped inside the last man Schar in the area. Schar did well to get himself between Calvert-Lewin and the ball.
No goal! Southampton 0-0 Bournemouth I’d like to see that again. The suggestion is that Solanke’s head and shoulders were offside.
Solanke was put through on goal, with McCarthy making a fine save to deny him. The ball rebounded to Vina, who finished emphatically from the edge of the area.
Disallowed goal! Southampton 0-0 Bournemouth Matias Vina finishes superbly from the edge of the rea, but it’s ruled out for an offside against Solanke. Hang on, I think this will overturned by VAR…
“The title is in Manchester City’s hands right now, so the relegation battle is where the real interest lies,” writes Charlie Robinson. “Even though I’m a Derby County supporter, I was delighted to see Forest win last night, and I’ll tell you why. Yes, it is partly because my dad and one of my best friends are Forest fans, but also because the Premier League needs more provincial (and Midlands) clubs like Forest and Leicester in it.
“Furthermore, it’s fun to see supposedly big clubs in the mix. Sorry to Everton and Leeds fans, but this is just how things are. Ideally, Chelsea would get dragged into this relegation fight. Am I bitter and jealous? Yes! Of course! Am I sad and lonely? Next question!”
13 min: Southampton 0-0 Bournemouth After a bit of a scramble in the Bournemouth area, Adam Armstrong slaps a shot from a tight angle that hits the outside of the post and goes behind. Neto might have got a touch with his legs, I’m not sure.
12 min: Everton 0-0 Newcastle Gueye won the free-kick; Gueye wastes the free-kick by curling it a few yards over the bar.
11 min: Everton 0-0 Newcastle Idrissa Gueye is fouled right on the edge of the D by Sean Longstaff. I forgot to say: because it’s not Saturday 3pm, I can actually watch the games tonight!
9 min: Southampton 0-0 Bournemouth Marcus Tavernier has a close-range shot blocked after a good Bournemouth break. The conditions – it’s John Cusack weather – are making things interesting.
6 min: Southampton 0-0 Bournemouth Alex McCarthy, starting his first league game of the season tonight, slips on the wet pitch while controlling a backpass and is almost robbed by Dominic Solanke. ‘Almost’ being the operative word: he got away with it.
5 min: Everton 0-0 Newcastle Nothing much to report, though Everton have started with intent. Iwobi’s cross just evades the flying Calvert-Lewin, who is slyly eased away from the ball by Trippier. Brilliant defending.
“Good morning Rob…” writes our resident Australian Newcastle fan, Chris Paraskevas. “4.45am kick-offs offer the chance to really ‘seize the day’ as my old English teacher used to repeat constantly (having never been subjected to one of our non-performances at Goodison over the years). Usually a difficult trip for us. Goodison still an old school ground. Seems like only yesterday that Tim Cahill was playing for them… and Florian Lejeune was equalising for us.”
This was the first game that came to my mind, a famous win for the dogs of war. For some reason I thought Duncan Ferguson had scored the goal.
3 min: Southampton 0-0 Bournemouth Neto makes a decent early save to his left from Theo Walcott, though I think Walcott was slightly offside. After last night, who knows.
Peep peep! Two vital Premier League games are under way.
Everton v Newcastle A note on the Newcastle team: Dan Burn has been unwell, which is why he’s only on the bench.
Here come the players. The noise at Goodison is spectacular, as is the rain at St Mary’s.
Charity appeal
Now, to more important matters than a Premier League relegation battle. A local animal shelter, Happy Landings, does wonderful work looking after cats and dogs in particular. One new resident – a charming and affectionate, if not always fragrant pug called Travis – wasn’t in a good way when he arrived and needs urgent surgery before he can be rehomed.
The appeal for his medical costs was met in just over a day but all donations help so much with day-to-day necessities, never mind future operations. And just imagine how much Travis would grunt with happiness if he knew he was a minor internet celebrity.
If you’d like to donate, or just look at pictures of Travis and the other dogs, here’s the link. Roy Keane would be proud of you.
Full time: Barcelona 1-1 Chelsea (agg: 2-1)
Barcelona will play Wolfsburg or Arsenal in the Women’s Champions League final on 3 June after a tense semi-final second leg at the Camp Nou. It’s an honourable defeat for Chelsea, who gave everything and were very good in the second half, but ultimately the tie was decided on Saturday at Stamford Bridge.
“I might have emailed this for a previous Everton game,” says Matt Burtz, “but here goes again: this game isn’t must– win, but it’s about as close as it gets. Considering they only have two games at Goodison after tonight, and one is against the Death Star that is Manchester City, a loss here would be, shall we say, less than ideal.”
The last game of the season, Bournemouth at home, already has Wimbledon 1994/Coventry 1998/Palace 2022 vibes.
WCL: Barcelona 1-1 Chelsea (agg: 2-1)
Five minutes plus added time to go at the Camp Nou, where Chelsea are pushing for the goal that would take the tie to extra-time. Follow it with Sarah Rendell.
Goodison Park in April
Everton v Newcastle
“Hi Rob,” says Gary Naylor. “It’s traditional to describe this as the first of six cup finals for Everton but, like so many of the accepted assertions of football, that’s not true. Lose a cup final and you rock up next season back in the game. Lose tonight and that hope becomes more and more moot. I’m not panicking… yet.”
GOAL! Barcelona 1-1 Chelsea (agg: 2-1: Reiten 67)
Ahem! Chelsea are back in tie thanks to Guro Reiten, who slammed the ball into the net after Sandra Panos made a terrific save from Sam Kerr.
Southampton v Bournemouth
This piece is out of date now but it’s an interesting read about the history of local rivalry – or lack thereof – between Southampton and Bournemouth.
GOAL! Barcelona 1-0 Chelsea (agg: 2-0; Hansen 63)
It looks like Chelsea are on their way out of the Champions League. Caroline Graham Hansen, who scored the only goal at Stamford Bridge, has punished them on the break at the Camp Nou.
What’s at stake tonight
Everton are 19th despite performing reasonably well under Sean Dyche. (In the form table since Dyche took over, Everton are 15th and Chelsea are in bottom three.) The last home game, a 3-1 loss to Fulham, was a sickener and they really can’t afford another defeat ahead of an even bigger game at Leicester or Monday.
Should they produce one of those great Goodison Thursday nights and beat Newcastle, they will jump to 16th. Snakes and Ladders has got nothing on this thing of ours.
Newcastle are still high on a pure hit of popular modern drug Lads, It’s Tottenham at the weekend. A win at Goodison would move them eight points clear of fifth-placed Villa, having played a game more, and nine clear of Liverpool in sixth.
They are in great form, with six wins in seven, but were overrun at Villa Park in their last away game. On nights like this at Goodison Park, maximum effort is the minimum requirement for both teams.
Southampton are adrift of the rest – four points behind Everton, six from safety. But they played so well at the Emirates on Friday that a great escape is not beyond the realms. If they win tonight they will be only three points behind Nottm Forest (who they play a week on Monday) and Leeds, the teams currently in 16th and 17th.
Bournemouth looked almost safe after their spectacular win at Tottenham 12 days ago, but they were surprisingly pummelled by West Ham at the weekend and have two vital games coming up: Southampton tonight, Leeds at home on Sunday. Win either and they should be fine; lose both and we’ll all be reaching for the Silvio Dante memes.
Tottenham Hotspur v Manchester United
There’s another Premier League game tonight, involving two of the less predictable teams in the top half of the Premier League. Barry Glendenning will keep you abreast of developments, farcical or otherwise.
Southampton v Bournemouth team news
Ruben Selles makes two changes from the Southampton side that started at the Emirates. Duje Caleta-Car is in for the (presumably) injured Armel Bella-Kotchap; the experienced. Alex McCarthy is preferred to Gavin Bazunu in goal. That’s an interesting call.
Gary O’Neil also makes two changes from the team that lost to West Ham. Marcos Senesi and Matias Vina replace Jack Stephens (ineligible) and Adam Smith.
Southampton (possible 4-2-2-2) McCarthy; Walker-Peters, Bednarek, Caleta-Car, Perraud; Ward-Peters, Lavia; Elyounoussi, A Armstrong; Walcott, Alcaraz.
Substitutes: Bazunu, Lyanco, Maitland-Niles, Aribo, S Armstrong, Djenepo, Sulemana, Adams, Mara.
Bournemouth (possible 3-4-2-1) Neto; Senesi, Mepham, Kelly; Tavernier, Rothwell, Lerma, Vina; Christie, Billing; Solanke.
Substitutes: Travers, Smith, Zabarnyi, Cook, Brooks, Ouattara, Moore, Semenya, Anthony.
Everton v Newcastle team news
Both managers have made three changes, surprisingly so in Eddie Howe’s case. Everton bring in Ben Godfrey, Amadou Onana and Abdoulaye Doucoure – the last two were unavailable at Selhurst Park on Saturday – for Mason Holgate, who is suspended, James Garner and Demarai Gray.
Jacob Murphy and Alexander Isak, who scored two each when Newcastle humiliated Spurs on Sunday, are roatated along with Dan Burn; in come Miguel Almiron, Callum Wilson and Matt Targett.
Everton (possible 4-3-3) Pickford; Godfrey, Keane, Tarkowski, Mykolenko; Doucoure, Gueye, Onana; Iwobi, Calvert-Lewin, McNeil.
Substitutes: Begovic, Patterson, Mina, Coady, Davies, Garner, Gray, Maupay, Simms.
Newcastle (4-3-3) Pope; Trippier, Schar, Botman, Targett; Longstaff, Guimaraes, Willock; Almiron, Wilson, Joelinton.
Substitutes: Dubravka, Lascelles, Manquillo, Burn, Ritchie, Murphy, Anderson, Gordon, Isak.
Referee Andre Marriner.
The Premier League table
WCL: Barcelona 0-0 Chelsea (agg: 1-0)
It’s half time at the Camp Nou, where things are going okay for Chelsea in their Champions League semi-final. Barcelona have been the better team, as they were at Stamford Bridge, but Chelsea have defended well and they are still right in the tie.
You can follow the second half, and maybe extra time, with Sarah Rendell.
Preamble
The title race is over*, the top four are set in stone*, but there isn’t an algorithm in the world – never mind a humble human being – that can predict with certainty which three teams will be relegated from the Premier League.
Wolves and Crystal Palace have extricated themselves from the malodorous stuff*, so seven clubs remain in the battle for survival. Three of them are in action tonight, along with one of the teams we have prematurely awarded a Champions League place.
The two matches, possible to overhype but still pretty darn huge, are Everton v Newcastle and Southampton v Bournemouth. Buckle up, buttercup.
Kick off 7.45pm in both games
*Probably
