Key events
FULL TIME: Copenhagen 4-3 Manchester United
A player called Roony condemns United to defeat. It seems Parken is their “Theatre of Nightmares” after all.
90 min +5: Fernandes launches a Hail Mary forward. United win a throw on the left. Dalot to fling long … but no! He flips to McTominay, who tees up Fernandes for a long-distance whack. Grabara fumbles but recovers, and that is surely that!
90 min +4: Copenhagen keep the ball in United’s half and the clock ticks on.
90 min +3: Maguire wears an affronted look, though the decision didn’t really make much difference. Goal kick or free kick? Copenhagen’s turn to take their time.
90 min +2: A loose ball drops to Maguire on the edge of the D. He’d won it himself in a challenge with Lerager. Maguire sends a rasping, rising drive off the top of the crossbar. What an attempt! But it wouldn’t have counted anyway, because the referee awards a very soft free kick for the initial challenge.
90 min +1: The first of five added minutes sees a dropping ball shave Larsson’s arm on the edge of the box. Fernandes is livid, he wants another spot kick, but he’s not getting one. Larsson’s arm was tucked into his body.
90 min: Almost an afterthought, but it’s ended Bayern 2-1 Galatasaray. Bakambu had snatched a consolation for Gala in the third minute of stoppage time.
88 min: Parken is pumping. This is one hell of a game of football.
GOAL! Copenhagen 4-3 Manchester United (Bardghji 87)
Varane’s loose pass allows Bardghji space down the right. A low cross. Claesson should score, but slices so badly that the ball doesn’t even go out of play to the left. Copenhagen recycle possession. A cross from the left this time. Maguire can only eyebrow it across to Bardghji, who hits a first-time shot down and up into the top right. A player called Roony could have settled it! Beyond absurd, no?
86 min: Copenhagen press United back into their final third. There doesn’t seem to be a way out for the visitors at the moment. The hosts probing hither and yon.
84 min: Hojlund is sacrificed for Mount.
GOAL! Copenhagen 3-3 Manchester United (Lerager 83)
The corner’s worked short and back. Falk, on the left-hand corner of the box, crosses towards the back post. Lerarger, who gave away the penalty, opens his body and sidefoots home from close range. Simple as that. Dalot asleep, like the red devil on that Nightmare banner.
82 min: Wan-Bissaka’s excitable backpass needs to be dealt with by Onana, else it sneak into the bottom left. Onana chests down calmly but can’t clear to deny the corner. And from that …
81 min: Send it into the mixer, that’s what, forcing Grabara to drop the ball. Maguire bundles home, but the keeper had been impeded before dropping and the goal won’t stand.
80 min: Garnacho dribbles purposefully down the left and wins a corner off Boilesen. Fernandes refuses to take it under a barrage of plastic cups and fag lighters. The home crowd aren’t happy, but what’s Fernandes to do?
79 min: Grabara clanks the ball carelessly to Fernandes, who could shoot but decides to tee up the in-rushing McTominay instead. McTominay finds the top right … of the stand behind the goal. That could easily have been a nerve-settling fourth.
78 min: Some good work from Achouri wins a corner down the left. Before it can be taken, Boilesen and Larsson come on for Vavro and Achouri. Nothing comes of the corner.
76 min: Harry Kane has doubled Bayern’s lead with his second goal of the evening against Galatasaray, on 86 minutes. The six-time champions will surely be winning Group A.
74 min: A deep cross from the left for Bardghji at the far stick. He crosses back. Onana punches away. Achouri tries to bring the ball down on the edge of the box, only to be blown for a high kick. His foot was not particularly high, the same height as Wan-Bissaka in fact, so he’s apoplectic with annoyance. But the referee’s not for turning. The pressure on United released.
72 min: … and replaced Gonçalves with Tanlongo.
71 min: Copenhagen have sent on Sørensen in place of Ankersen.
70 min: In the other Group A game, Harry Kane has given Bayern Munich the lead against Galatasaray on 80 minutes.
GOAL! Copenhagen 2-3 Manchester United (Fernandes 69 pen)
Fernandes sweeps majestically into the top-left corner, and ten-man United are back in front! Grabara had no chance!
Penalty for Manchester United!
68 min: VAR summons the referee to the screen. He has a long, long look. Eventually he draws a TV screen in the air, then points to the spot! Fernandes grabs the ball and prepares to take.
66 min: … the resulting free kick is pumped into the Copenhagen box. Maguire heads down onto Lerager’s outstretched arm, and VAR will take a look at a potential penalty.
65 min: Vavro, on a booking, wrestles with Hojlund from behind. It’s a foul. United want a second yellow, because Vavro’s arm brushed the side of Hojlund’s face, but they’re not getting one. However …
64 min: A loose pass by Amrabat is pounced on by the aforementioned Bardghji, who then slices an overly ambitious effort high into the stand.
63 min: Elyounoussi is replaced by the 17-year-old prospect Roony Bardghji. United aren’t going to be undone by someone called Roony, are they? That would just about put the tin lid on tonight’s absurdity.
62 min: There’s a sense both teams fancy their chances of snatching victory … but also that both realise there will be a level of embarrassment, for differing reasons, if they don’t. Hence all the players taking perhaps more care than they normally would.
61 min: Falk slips Elyounoussi into the United box down the right. His low drive is blocked bravely by Maguire, who needs a little bit of treatment. But he’s OK to continue.
59 min: Claesson has a lash at goal from 25 yards, but it’s straight at Onana, who claims calmly. “Were the players listening to the half-time relaxant during the break?” asks Joe Pearson. “They seem surprisingly subdued compared to the first half.”
57 min: United take their time over a goal kick. Their antics dull their senses, and upon their playing it out slowly, Dalot ships possession lazily to Claesson, 25 yards from goal. Dalot and United are very lucky that Claesson can’t take advantage, giving the ball back with a loose pass of his own. This game is very strange.
55 min: Garnacho tries to release Dalot down the left with a clever header, but gets too much on it and Vavro is able to usher the ball out for a goal kick. United appear to have come out with a positive mindset, though, which is super-admirable seeing the preposterous manner in which the first half ended.
